Sunday, April 7, 2013

When Did That Happen?

At what point in your life do you start to loose yourself? And is it always bad? I think it depends on what you loose.
For example no longer drinking until you think your mascara stained heavy panting reflection in the mirror looks hot. FYI it doesn't. Wearing high heels and no coat in the winter. Breaking & dislocating my ankle helped with that. And becoming a Mom. Hard to tell a five year old to wear a coat when you aren't.
Sometimes you gain bad habits too. Like getting defensive before you need to.  Not listening to music, not reading, wearing too much makeup, matching everything, worrying about everything.
So I've been trying really hard to regain myself back. I know it seems silly but this should be the time in my life where I really embrace myself.  Instead of been running afraid of what people might think that I'm not presenting the best image. But the reality is all I was doing was showing how afraid I was.
When you find you can't make someone who means the world to you happy it starts. I'm not trying to blame anyone or bash. But that was my turning point for sure. I wanted to make my ex husband happy. So I stopped going out, changed how I looked and starting doing things he liked. But wasn't the first me the one he fell in love with? That's where things get tricky - I thought so.
Things I' m realizing you can't please everyone & trying to will wreck you. It's ok to be honest and shy & not really like the color green.
I don't need to wear a ton of makeup or dress a certain way. Life is not a competition. It's a journey.
Embrace live it, love on each other, jam out to Metro Station w/your kid & know that's all ok.

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