Saturday, August 17, 2013

Want What You Don't Got

It dawned on me today. I am that person. I'm the one who is happy for you when you buy a house, loose weight, meet someone... But I want it too.
I do mean it when I tell you I think it's fantastic. Genuinely. But inside I'm aching a bit. Don't get me wrong this is not a pity party, nor do we need to plan an intervention. But there are some things I really want.  When I tell you I don't it's me in some cases - settling.
I would like to loose weight - and I take full responsibility for that one. It's just easier to to give in & eat what I shouldn't. Exercise?! again on me.
House. My apartment is great. I have nice neighbors and a good neighborhood. A house doesn't make a home cliche or not it really is what's inside.
The ache is what I'm seeing around me. It's been almost 4 years. While I have someone in my life it's not everything I want. When he's healthy it's good but I would be lying if I didn't say it's not all it could be. I don't get compliments, his sarcasm can sometimes be a little overpowering & he thinks I'm very emotional.  I am but compared to know emotion anyone seems over the top.
I do want a little romance but I want my space. That's where it gets tricky. Cause I'm all about "The Notebook" but not 24/7. I need downtime too.
I also feel like when given a second chance you should fight for it, but at the same time you shouldn't feel like you are the only one fighting.
Life is complicated but I guess in the scheme of things from where I've been I will take this kind of worry. For once in my life the big worries are under control & for that I'm thankful & lucky. My hope is more people out there have silly worries not serious ones...

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