Things I know about myself. I'm incredibly emotional. I wear my heart in my sleeve, I'm brutally honest & have no filter. I grumble, I grouse but if I love you I love you with my whole heart.
Yet here I am again standing alone. I used to think I asked for too much. Now I think I ask for not enough.
Somewhere along the way I thought I wasn't good enough. So I settled. I put people on pedestals who don't deserve it. I know I have flaws but at my core I deserve as much as the next person. I'm worn out from settling.
So not going to. I have for almost two decades I would like to go into my twighlight years holding hands with someone who loves me for me.
Oh well at least I got G & Skippy.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Sunday, May 5, 2013
How to Say This
I have been toying with how to talk about sex at 40. How much do I want to be honest about? How do I say things with saying too much? I have no idea.
So I guess I will start here.
Up until recently the only sex I was having was with myself. Now while there are many benefits to that, as we all know sex is always more fun with another person. Ideally my life plan was to still be married, have two kids and have a wonderful romantic life with my husband.
My reality is I have been a single parent for almost 3 years and sex stopped with my husband long before our marriage ended.
Sex in your middle age is tricky. Not bad but tricky. While on one hand you are comfy with your inner self I feel like I have more worries than I did when I was in my in my 20's.
For starters- I have wrinkles, my body is now a mother's body and to be blunt now that I am a Mom - the inhibitions I didn't have in my 20's I definitely have. Now this could be because of my experience with my ex husband but a few have nothing to do with him.
Like - can my neighbors hear us? Can people see in my house? I'm not as flexible, I get tired quickly... Sad,true and funny. Luckily my person is a few years older and we find ourselves laughing at things our twenty year old selves would have been mortified by.
On the flip side I have always appreciated the slow burn and I am happy to say my person does now too. Although it sometimes can make a girl feel like she partied too hard the next day when in reality I did not.
Intimacy is much more important to me now and again thankfully to my person as well. I feel like sex in my 40's is this beautiful week long vacation to one of my favorite places. In my 20's it was a road trip to the place where we could have the most fun for our dollar. My 30's were with my ex so while it produced my beautiful child it also created a lot of anxieties in me that my free spirited 20's again would have been mortified by.
So I guess where I'm going with all of this is - yup it's different but if you are crazy about the person you're with it's different in the most beautiful, fantastic way possible.
So I guess I will start here.
Up until recently the only sex I was having was with myself. Now while there are many benefits to that, as we all know sex is always more fun with another person. Ideally my life plan was to still be married, have two kids and have a wonderful romantic life with my husband.
My reality is I have been a single parent for almost 3 years and sex stopped with my husband long before our marriage ended.
Sex in your middle age is tricky. Not bad but tricky. While on one hand you are comfy with your inner self I feel like I have more worries than I did when I was in my in my 20's.
For starters- I have wrinkles, my body is now a mother's body and to be blunt now that I am a Mom - the inhibitions I didn't have in my 20's I definitely have. Now this could be because of my experience with my ex husband but a few have nothing to do with him.
Like - can my neighbors hear us? Can people see in my house? I'm not as flexible, I get tired quickly... Sad,true and funny. Luckily my person is a few years older and we find ourselves laughing at things our twenty year old selves would have been mortified by.
On the flip side I have always appreciated the slow burn and I am happy to say my person does now too. Although it sometimes can make a girl feel like she partied too hard the next day when in reality I did not.
Intimacy is much more important to me now and again thankfully to my person as well. I feel like sex in my 40's is this beautiful week long vacation to one of my favorite places. In my 20's it was a road trip to the place where we could have the most fun for our dollar. My 30's were with my ex so while it produced my beautiful child it also created a lot of anxieties in me that my free spirited 20's again would have been mortified by.
So I guess where I'm going with all of this is - yup it's different but if you are crazy about the person you're with it's different in the most beautiful, fantastic way possible.
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